Suicidal 15 year old girl also suffering from depression?

Okay here's the thing..I'm 15 going on 16 soon. When I go to school I'm bullied, but not directly. My peers are always talking about me in bad ways secretly, thinking that I can't hear them.. I try to ignore them I really do but it always sinks into my mind and I end up going home and crying in my room. Sometimes it leads to me cutting myself. Lately I've been very dissatisfied with my outer appearance. I think I'm ugly and all my friends are literally way prettier than I am. I'm pretty popular but it's mainly because I'm such a funny person. I feel way better as long as I make people laugh. I feel like a clown who feels as if as long as everyone laughs, she'll be okay.. I've lived like this for YEARS. Being in high school is slowly dropping my confidence.. I'm having suicidal thoughts lately too. Even suicidal dreams. I once woke up from a dream choking myself in real life. I couldn't believe what happened but I didn't tell anyone.. I also used wake up with bloody scars on my arm and a knife next to me.. Lately I've just really wanted to die. My mom is also very non supportive. She also makes fun of. She bullies me verbally. I hate school; I hate my family (seriously I avoid family as much as I can); I hate life. I want to get help but my parents don't believe me. I also suffer from constant panic attacks. I panic even when people simply say my name.. I just don't know what to do anymore.. I'm also suffering from insomnia.. I usually cry myself to sleep.. I'm I'm also suffering with my sexually and my parents are complete homophobes who think that people who like the same gender deserve to die. Help me? Advice? and I don't want to hear people say "tl;dr" -_- I'm just tired of wearing this stupid mask :/ I really can't describe everything I'm feeling in this so I'm sorry if I seem like a fake or something..