I always thought I didn't love my boyfriend. Now that we are over, I realize I am so in love with him.?

You are toxic to each other and neither one of you has one clue about being mature and adult in any relationship, and until you do, it is pointless to even try another one or keep the one you have. It is over now, try to learn something form the wreckage so you don't repeat all your mistakes. In the meantime you need to stay on your own and try to maure.